Roxie Carter

Today I feel better. Matt texted me, because he wanted to, and asked if I would drive 3 hours tonight to come visit him. UH NO! I went off on him. I asked him if his girlfriend Lisa wasn’t available so he had to call the side girl. I told him he can’t just talk to me whenever he wants and ignore me the rest of the time. I AM A HUMAN BEING! And I am not supposed to be used like a doormat. I told him it wasn’t working and that he was not a true friend or anything to me anymore.

Of course he responded with his patented response of….NOTHING! Hes a pussy as far as I am concerned. He can’t even stand up and say shit back. He knows he is wrong. As do I and now, the rest of the world.

I’m glad its off my chest. I don’t normally like to flip out on people like that but sometimes it happens when you have just had enough.

I’ve been in a weird mood lately. I’ve been struggling with some buried emotions as well as being mad at Matt and also worried about my court date coming up on Tuesday. I have been letting all of this affect my emotions and my days. Once all of this is off my plate it will be nice to sit back and relax by my pool and smoke a Black & Mild. It will be nice to enjoy my summer a little bit.

It’s summertime, time to get real!

So I have been on a free online dating site for about a year now. I enjoy meeting new people quickly and learning about peoples hobbies, jobs, where they live, etc. I just think its interesting. Plus, I like going out on dates with different guys. It somehow teaches me what to look for and what not to look for in a potential “serious” boyfriend, that is if I ever get one. Besides that its fun to meet new people :)

So I was talking to this guy “Tez” for a couple of days. He was really sweet, he was nice, polite, and even kinda cute. We had been texting for about a week now. Last night out of nowhere he asked me if I was talking to any guys. I told him I would tell him but I wanted to know why first. I really don’t like talking about other guys or girls when I am talking to someone - it just doesn’t seem right. But so he wanted to know because “he wanted to be the ONLY guy I was talking to.” Like he owned me or something. Right then and there I was like this guy is messed up. So I went on to tell him I was talking to other guys and that I was not looking for something serious I was looking for a good time and I was looking to meet new people. He kept badgering me and eventually said that I was a “Waste of Time” and that he wasn’t going to talk to me anymore. Like what the fuck?! Okay? We have only been talking for a week and you want to get married? So basically I told him to fuck off and that if he wanted a relationship it wasn’t going to happen overnight.

I just want to talk to people. I’m not looking for anything serious - in fact that freaks me out. I don’t feel like I could ever trust someone so much to be in a long term relationship and/or even get married. It just blows my mind. Apparently, he didn’t wanna talk because it would take too much time to get to know me and eventually I would have wasted too much of his time for nothing. Even at the very least he could have made a new friend, but once again it wasn’t enough for him.

Does anyone else have this problem?

My whole life has been filled with drama…I mean, who’s hasn’t? But recently, things have gotten really crazy.

I love boys. I love meeting guys, dating guys, and apparently getting rid of guys? I seem to have developed some “good luck charm” (or maybe not) for guys who date me. In the past two years, a guy named Nick, who already had a kid is now married to a 17 year old and has a new baby, a guy named Collin is engaged, a guy named Chris is engaged and has a baby, and a guy named Kyle is married with a baby on the way. These are all my ex-boyfriends. Only one of them had I dated for more than 6 months. When I look back on my track record, things don’t seem to end well for me. I am currently single. The one guy who I still talk to I have been speaking to since October and he and I don’t seem to have much of a future.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the single life! For awhile, I was meeting a new guy each week. I met a few guys online through some dating sites - but everyone seemed to be missing something I was looking for. So, still I am searching for my own, Prince Charming. (OH GOD!)

All of my friends have boyfriends and it gets annoying sometimes. I wish that I had someone to call to pick me up and cuddle with when I have had a bad day. But instead I am left to cuddle with my lifeless pillow pets. (YES I HAVE TWO! I am obsessed!) But, everyone says I will meet the right guy….blah blah blah…I mean yeah but when will that be? I seem to be playing matchmaker for all the guys I date!

Since all of these guys getting hitched so soon and close together I started to wonder, “whats wrong with me?” But I am forced to believe, for my own well being, that this is just a coincidence and hope for the best.

Maybe I am too confident? Maybe I am too bitchy? Maybe I just overlook everyone? I don’t know. But, hopefully I find out soon. I need to get out of this predicament!